We have gotten asked "How are you doing?" probably 100 times in the last few weeks. I figured since it has been a month since we lost my dad that today would be a good day to write how we are doing. I guess in a word we are doing "okay." Grief is hard!!! One minute you will be fine and then next minute you are just overcome with sadness. Out of no where a memory will be triggered that is hard and it's a downward spiral from there. And some days are filled with happy memories that make you smile. It is an up and down thing. But overall we are making it.
It is hard living in a house with 4 people who are grieving in different ways. Kate has been the most practical of all of us. She loves to talk about Grandaddy!! Not a day goes by that she doesn't mention him or something he did for her. It is so sweet. She is so practical in that she knows he is gone and she mentions it often that she misses him but she is not sad. It is just her personality. She prays often for him to be having a great time in heaven (which we know he is). Ben is really struggling. He took it so hard. He lost not only his grandfather but one of his best buddies. He doesn't talk about it much but we know he is hurting. Time will help and we talk often about how it's ok to be sad. I am hanging in there. I have good moments and bad moments. The biggest thing for me right now is finding motivation to do things. Everything seems to just require a lot of energy that I don't seem to have. I've had to learn to give myself lots of grace. It's ok if the house isn't perfectly clean or if we have to eat out again. My hurting heart is healing and that takes time. Matt is holding us all together. He is doing a great job at it! He has his hard days too. He comes home from work some days just emotionally worn out.
We are learning to just take things day by day. It gets overwhelming to look too far into the future. We are doing a lot of leaning on God. Without Him we couldn't make it through today. But with Him we will continue to make it! The song Because He Lives has become a favorite of all of us lately. It sums up perfectly where we are at as a family. Because He lives we can face tomorrow. Because He lives all fear is gone!
My dad arranged a special surprise for us back 6 months ago. He asked the Colonel of the Corps to give us flags that had flown over the Corps in his honor. We had no idea he had done this until after he died and the Colonel contacted us. Yesterday we received the flags. We will treasure them forever. The kids are already asking to put them up in their rooms. Such a wonderful gesture from my dad! But we wouldn't expect anything different because he was an amazing guy!!!